What type of plague are you?

We all know plague is a serious disease. It’s devastated countless historical populations and continues to break out in contained areas to this day. But have you ever stopped to wonder which strain of the life-threatening bacterial infection you are? Take this fun quiz to find out. 

It’s Saturday morning and the housework’s out of the way – your schedule is 100% clear. Where are you most likely to be? 

A: You’ll probably find me with my best bud – nature. Whether I’m swapping jokes with a flea or messing around with a rat, it doesn’t really matter. If I’m in a semi-arid forest or grassland, I’m happy – it’s that simple. 

B: My friends sometimes joke that I’m so extroverted, I would literally die without a human host. And they’re not wrong! That’s why you can usually find me in buzzing, crowded places like ships, prisons or inns. 

C: Hospitals, murder scenes, muddy ditches full of leeches … the list is endless. Let’s put it this way – if there’s blood involved, then so am I!  

How social are you?

A: Not at all, really. Mostly, I prefer to spend my time with small mammals. If one of my animal friends introduces me to a new person, that’s okay. But having that organic introduction is really important to me.

B: Very. I’m always out and about, flocking from person to person. What can I say? People are my world. 

C: I’m honestly not that fussed – I usually just tag along with the gang and see what happens. Hey, I’m as open to new connections as the next disease, but it can take me anywhere from two to seven days to really warm up to someone. 

You meet someone new and really hit it off. How long does it take you to pick up the phone?

A: It totally depends on the person and what sort of vibe I’m getting from their immune system. On average, though, probably around the three-day mark.

B: It’s pretty much instant. When you know, you know!

C: I like to play it cool, but sometimes I leave it so long I lose my nerve. If it’s been a whole week and I still haven’t made a move, then I probably never will. 

What’s your worst quality? (Be honest!)

A: Fever, chills, large lymphatic swellings ... how much time do you have? Hey, give me a break – no one’s perfect! 

B: Headaches, coughing fits and maybe even some incapacitating chest pain, if I’ve had a tough day. Look, it is what it is.

C: Ugh, I’m the worst. When I’m around, you can expect everything from extreme weakness to gangrene to excessive bleeding – and that’s just before your morning coffee!

What’s your biggest turnoff?

A: I know it sounds picky, but I’ve gotta say that something about antibiotics just rubs me up all wrong.  

B: You can be the nicest human host in the world, but if you so much as mention a ventilator, I’m heading for the hills.

C: In the past, people have tried to put me off with intravenous fluids, hospitalisation … I’ve seen it all. But the word ‘dealbreaker’ just isn’t in my vocabulary. Once I’m in, I’m in. 

Mostly As: Bubonic plague

As the most famous form of plague, you’re not exactly shy about making an entrance. When one of your trademark swellings appear on someone’s neck, underarm or groin, they just know things are about to get a little crazy. But underneath your infectious confidence, you’re actually pretty laid back. You don’t go out of your way find new human hosts. In fact, you prefer to let rats and fleas handle the introductions for you. If it happens, it happens – that’s your philosophy, anyway. 

Mostly Bs: Pneumonic plague

Whether you’re relaxing in a medieval hovel or making friends at the local hospital, you’re happiest around warm, live people. In fact, the pneumonic strain is the only type of plague that can be transmitted from person to person – just like your charm! As an extremely lethal lung infection, it’s safe to say you’re not everyone’s cup of tea. But even your worst enemies have to admit that you don’t waste any time on small talk – when you’re around, flu-like symptoms can appear within just one day of infection!  

Mostly Cs: Septicemic plague

Like many secondary infections, you often struggle to venture out on your own. But you try not to let it get you down. After all, septicemic plague only occurs when someone has left their bubonic or pneumonic plague untreated – so you’re not much use flying solo anyway! Some illnesses would find this frustrating, but not you. Because when those plague bacteria do enter someone’s bloodstream, all bets are off. And you certainly know how to make up for lost time, too – septicemic plague can actually cause death before the first symptoms even appear. You sly dog, you!